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A place to share my thoughts and life journeys.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Whilst looking at houses...uh oh!

A word to the wise...beware of going up stairs that have no handrail because you will eventually have to come DOWN those same stairs! A lesson I learned the hard way.

One of the houses we visited while house hunting had what seemed like a fairly short set of stairs going up to a small "attic" area. Well, I noticed on the way up that there was no handrail, but I was going UP, so I wasn't concerned. Getting ready to come back DOWN was a different matter; while leaning a little to steady myself against the wall, my stocking-clad feet slipped & down the stairs I bumped. ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM. I hurt all over so badly I wasn't sure what I had actually injured; but knew I had certainly done a number on myself.

I ended up with a bruise on my backside that was full of knots beneath the surface & larger than my hand stretched out as far as it could go, I had 2 jammed fingers on the left hand from trying to catch myself, & I'm pretty sure I broke my pinkie & ring toes on my left foot. Since they don't do anything about broken pinkie toes I just lived with it. I could barely tolerate wearing a shoe, but it was still cold outside, so I had to.

About a month before this happened I had been talking with my doctor about lower abdominal pain that was getting more intense & more frequent. She sent me for an ultrasound of the area. It revealed that I had a thickening of my endometrial lining and fluid in my uterus. My ovaries were not visible in the ultrasound.

I fell down the stairs right around the same time that I was due to have a biopsy of the uterus. Doc didn't like the fluid in there & wanted things checked out; she doubted though that the pain which had become chronic was related to the female area problems.

Moving forward a month to biopsy date, it did not go well. My body would not cooperate with the procedure, so they schedule me for a DNC a few more weeks later. I had a DNC once before, it was no big deal; but I was getting annoyed that it was taking so long to get answers. The day of the DNC arrives, I'm mostly healed up from the fall other than the toe that doesn't want to heal; they let me stay awake until I'm in the O.R. to make sure they have my sore toe properly secured without re injuring it. Very nice of them to do that. Keep in mind that I'm still dealing with almost daily abdominal pain & wondering..."what the hey is going on in there?!?"

It was about this time when we had the chapel session at work in the aforementioned post.

Stay tuned, there's more.

Monday, May 14, 2018

The downside of working for a ministry: CONVICTION

I work for a Christian ministry in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I have worked there 3 different times since 1979. So, although not congruently, it's been an accumulated total of over 35 years at the same organization.

The fall after graduating high school I started working full-time for this place. It was kind of like going to church & getting paid to do so. Every day started out with devotions; either with your work team or over the PA system. Then on Wednesday mornings we had a company-wide chapel; each one being a little "mini church service," special music & preaching.

FFWD => 30 plus years. They still have chapel on Wednesdays; although most are no longer like a church service.

So...about 3 or 4 weeks ago in chapel we had a speaker that spoke on the Philippians 4:4-11 (NIV)
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The speaker really emphasized the "not be anxious...every situation...with thanksgiving...present your request...and peace." 
I came away that day encouraged, but thinking to myself, "Don't be anxious? With thanksgiving? I could sure use some peace right about now!"

RRWD<= about a year earlier. My nephew had been asking us if we were interested in selling him our house. After much discussion over several months, and lots of prayer; we had finally decided...Yes. We would go forward with that. Starting in November of 2017 we started the house hunt in earnest. Looking at properties, looking, looking, looking. Mostly trying to figure out - WHAT did we even want to move to, where, how small, how big, in the country, in the city, close to where we already were, closer to our kids...so many questions & absolutely no answers. We realized we had NO IDEA what we wanted! That almost made it harder. It certainly brought with it a lot of anxiousness & uncertainty.

So...in chapel that day; yeah, I could have used a little peace. I was under conviction & wishing for His peace. Little did I know that God was preparing me for something more than moving!

TBC...

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Well, It's Been A While

Seriously? It's insane how quickly time flys by! I haven't posted on here in over THREE YEARS. Yup. You've got it. I'm a procrastinator. But at least I'm no longer procrastinating about weight loss & working on getting healthy. 😏 A lot of life events have taken place since my last post. I will TRULY try to make the time to get back on here in the near future. PROMISE. Just a quick aside about the health journey...I topped out at over 290#, was diagnosed as Diabetic Type 2 in 2015, and got truly serious about the health journey in April 2016. I am currently just under 250. It's taken 3 years to lose 40#. Much more to be said & shared. But that's all I have time for at the moment. See ya soon!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Setting goals - YIKES!

How does one set a goal for something when you've never really set a goal before in your LIFE?!? Or, to be more accurate, I've set them, but I've never been very successful at achieving them. Myeh.

Goal - Get a journal so I have a way to track progress or lack thereof
Status - MET. Ryan ordered one for me as a birthday present before he left for Indiana on my birthday weekend (Dang, there goes my excuse for not tracking!)

Goal - Track food intake daily
Status - working on it, I don't succeed EVERY day, but I do usually get something written down or at least I did the first 4 or 5 weeks. Then I went through a lull where I didn't get anything written down. Now I'm back to writing things down again, but still not every day. So...NOT met.

Goal - Walk or some kind of exercise for at least 30 min. 3x/week
Status - Weeellll, I DID start out well. BUT, I didn't stick with it. My feet began hurting so badly I could hardly stand to put my weight on them. I have to come up with a different plan. I've found that walking beside our road or across uneven ground is KILLER on my feet, ankles, knees & hips. WAH!

Note to self: Check with Ryan to see if it's okay to change goals once in a while. I checked & he said, "yes."
Next note to self: Find a way to get activity that doesn't involve being on my feet.

Goal - Put up motivational pictures or sayings around the house, in the car, where ever I hang out.
Status - Um, sort of. I did do some, mostly verses of encouragement. I've purchased a couple of Mandisa CDs. I love her music. Especially Stronger, Good Morning & Overcomer. She's a great role model too, she's on her own weight journey.

Goal - Get some people to be accountable to. Ryan & Chad have been faithfully calling me every week since August to help me stay on track. David & Brooke have been encouraging me too & (drumroll please.......) because they will be making me a GRANDMOTHER in spring 2014, this has been a great reason for wanting to get healthier too. I want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren.

Meanwhile I was looking over some books & things on my bookshelf & came across 6 CD set called 10 Habits of Highly Effective People with Steven Covey; I started listening to the CD series & it was great. It was just the extra boost I needed to get moving forward. But more on that later. 


"Do or do not do. There is no try." - Yoda 

 



To blog The Blob or not to blog, that is the question...

Back in August of this year my youngest son challenged me to rethink how I was living my life. I hadn't been feeling well for some time, I was gaining weight, inactive & had no discernible goals for improving my lot in life. The back-story to this actually has been going on for some time.

Growing up I was an inactive kid. My idea of a good time was to curl up on the couch with a book or two, watch cartoons & eat a big bowl of ice cream (with chocolate sauce) or potato chips (with dip). Wow, what a recipe for disaster! I was never athletic or interested in learning how to dance or anything that would have caused me to be active. I was not allowed to pursue the few things I did express interest in until I was old enough to work a part-time job & have a driver's license. Well, when you have a job, who has time for fun stuff?

Fast forward a few more years into my young adult years...I married at 19, just shy of my 1st wedding anniversary I lost my dearly-loved father to cancer. A few years later I became a mom for the 1st time at age 23, kept on 10# after the baby & then proceeded to have 2 more children within the next 5 years, keeping on 10# or more after each of those babies. I'm dealing with depression over losing my dad, then also dealing with the baby blues as well. I felt I didn't have time for exercise & it was the absolute lowest thing on my list of priorities. I had babies to take care of, a husband to care for, a house to keep up, laundry, meals, babies, more laundry, working part-time, etc. etc. etc. My list of excuses was a mile long. And after all I was a life-long member of "The Clean Plate Club" - never leave food on your plate, or your kids' plates, or throw anything out if it's still edible. My weight just continued to climb.

I kept thinking...I'll get to it soon; like next week or next month. But week after week & month after month went by & I just didn't get around to taking care of myself. I had too many other people depending on me to take care of THEM. What I didn't realize was that if I had been taking better care of myself, I would do a better job of taking care of them too!  But, I procrastinated & so, on it went for years.

Oh I tried off & on to get active or to diet. Nothing stuck to me but the weight. Eventually I topped out this past summer at almost 280#, mind you...I weighed 117# when I got married. These past few years I would sometimes laughingly say..."I'm TWICE the woman I used to be!" Like it was something to be proud of. Not really. It was just a cover for being so angry with myself for letting it go for so long & not doing enough about it. But now, also being in the situation of not knowing where to even BEGIN to TRY to do anything about my weight & overall declining health.

To complicate matters in the fall of 2012 I developed Plantars Fasciaitis in my right foot, with my left foot hurting because of walking to compensate for my right foot. This made getting active seem even more impossible than ever. Despair. Resignation...thoughts of "maybe I'm just meant to be a fat cow until I die; which with the rate I'm going...it will be sooner rather than later." Everything hurts. It hurts to move, it hurts not to move. Can't win. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm exhausted all of the time. It's affecting every area of my life. Death is looking better & better all of the time. Not that I'd do anything overt to hasten death, but neither did I fear it & in fact there were days that I'd pray; "Dear Lord, I hurt so much & I'm so tired, can you please just bring me home soon?" I was giving up.

Now fast forward to May 2013. My nephew Matt Craig has been battling with alcoholism for the past several years & his body, because of a compromised immune system brought on by the alcoholism, succumbs to an infection and he passes away at the age of 39. I think Matt had lost hope. He had been living in denial of his alcoholism & I think that he knew that he had something bad going on with his body; but because he stopped caring about whether he lived or died, he gave up & didn't get treatment. This rocked my world. I have a theory that he just didn't think he was strong enough to beat it, even if he really tried. I've always loved my nephew, he was my first nephew & had a special place in my life. Oh the fun memories of that boy & seeing him grow up & then have a beautiful family of his own. And then it hit me...I was being JUST LIKE MATT...only my addiction was to food & inactivity & it was killing me just the same.
I had to make changes, but where to begin?

Once again, I put it on the back burner & thought "Oh, I'll get around to it." I really did mean well & I really did intend to get started right away working on it, but life has a way of marching right past you if you don't engage it.

Three months went by & on the weekend of my 52nd birthday some of my kids were home for a few days. I know they're troubled by my inability to participate in life, they see me hurt & they know I'm miserable, but you know what? No matter how much you took this "horse" to the water, she wouldn't drink. This is where the beginning of my post comes in...while Ryan was home that weekend he sat me down & helped me figure out why I wanted to lose weight, what was holding me back, how to set some health goals & well, just helped me figure out some other baggage stuff too (maybe more about that in another post). I cried, I had a pity-party, how could life be good if I had to give up eating all of the things I "loved" - WAIT A PICKIN MINUTE...didn't I love my family MORE than food? YES & that is what drove me to listen to Ryan & try to follow his instructions.


That's the beginning of my Battle of the Blob. Again. Will I win this time? Stay tuned...btw...if you've been following my blog because of my card making, you may want to unsubscribe at this point. Just sayin'.

"Do or do not do. There is no try." - Yoda